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1/4/12 02:14 pm

In one sentence, who are you?
i am: spiraling beautifully
Why do you matter?
because i am.
What is your life motto?
something along the lines of "be who you are and everything you need will come to you"-at the moment
What’s something you have that everyone wants?
the ability to do what i love. loving/supportive friends and family. youth. opportunity for everything.
What is missing in your life?
maybe a romantic love.
What’s been on your mind most lately?
^, me not getting shit done, but being scared.
Happiness is a ________?
butterfly.
What stands between you and happiness?
myself- laziness, bad logic.
What do you need most right now?
everything i have
What does the child inside you long for?
to be completely cared for and comforted whenever i need(want) it. attention.
What is one thing right now that you are totally sure of?
i can have whatever i want-that's not true-maybe
What’s been bothering you lately?
how scared i am.
What are you scared of?
what am i scared of...?
What has fear of failure stopped you from doing?
not walking a few feet from my doorstep and finding places to volunteer
What will you never give up on?
myself. love/and that they are one in the same
What do you want to remember forever?
my father, mother, and sister
What makes you feel secure?
my mom and sister. thinking of my father. cocoon blankets and small spaces. childhood toys.
Which activities make you lose track of time?
art, cleaning, walking.... the internet
What’s the most difficult decision you’ve ever made?
never* (i try not to make decisions) maybe moving to my first house. or dropping out of college. both were more than great decisions.
What’s the best decision you’ve ever made?
^
What are you most grateful for?
accidents that smack me in the face and make me face reality. my health. ability to think and reason. ability to feel so fully. ability to read people and help them.
What is worth the pain?
personal growth
In order of importance, how would you rank: happiness, money, love, health, fame?
love (every kind of love), happiness, health, fame, money.
What is something you’ve always wanted, but don’t yet have?
a perfect "match"
What was the most defining moment in your life during this past year?
when my sister told me she was pregnant
What’s the number one change you need to make in your life in the next twelve months?
just DO it.
What’s the number one thing you want to achieve in the next five years?
help more people.
What is the biggest motivator in your life right now?

What will you never do?
let myself become a small, petty person
What’s something you said you’d never do, but have since done?
i said i'd never lie to myself, but i always have
What’s something new you recently learned about yourself?
i can fall back into bad habits
What do you sometimes pretend to understand that you really do not?
myself and my habits
In one sentence, what do you wish for your future self?
trust in myself
What worries you most about the future?
i'm not really worried about the future
When you look into the past, what do you miss most?
my dad, nothing else really
What’s something from the past that you don’t miss at all?
school
What recently reminded you of how fast time flies?
that it is 2pm now.
What is the biggest challenge you face right now?
trusting myself to be happy
In one word, how would you describe your personality?
fluorescent
What never fails to frustrate you?
MYSELF now stopit
What are you known for by your friends and family?
dramatic, getting frustrated easily but smoothing it out in seconds, not thinking before speaking, art, spirituality, not taking things seriously
What’s something most people don’t know about you?
just how much confidence i have but don't have in myself. i'm both sides of that spectrum, never in the middle. also, how much i build things up in my head
What’s a common misconception people have about you?
they think i'm a betch cuz i give bitchlooks on accident
What’s something a lot of people do that you disagree with?
not look inside
What’s a belief you hold with which many people disagree?

What’s something that’s harder for you than it is for most people?
letting certain things go
What are the top three qualities you look for in a friend?
fun, accepting, looking deeper than the surface
If you had a friend who spoke to you in the same way that you sometimes speak to yourself, how long would you allow that person to be your friend?
not long.
When you think of ‘home,’ what, specifically, do you think of?
my mom's downstairs of the house
What’s the most valuable thing you own?
no idea
If you had to move 3000 miles away, what would you miss most?
my momma and sister the very most
What would make you smile right now?
walking outside and it being warmer than i think it is
What do you do when nothing else seems to make you happy?
call someone
What do you wish did not exist in your life?
i wish it to all exist
What should you avoid to improve your life?
slothliness~
What is something you would hate to go without for a day?
food
What’s the biggest lie you once believed was true?
the government wants to help you
What’s something bad that happened to you that made you stronger?

What’s something nobody could ever steal from you?
what i know i am worth
What’s something you disliked when you were younger that you truly enjoy today?
onions
What are you glad you quit?
overthinking as much as i did
What do you need to spend more time doing?
art
What are you naturally good at?
art, helping others, listening to my inner voice
What have you been counting or keeping track of recently?
what time i wake up
What has the little voice inside your head been saying lately?
wake up earlier!
What’s something you should always be careful with?
my words and actions
What should always be taken seriously?
when someone truly feels hurt
What should never be taken seriously?
everything else
What are three things you can’t get enough of?
water, cooking, dreams
What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?
too fucking much
What fascinates you?
dreams and the otherworldly because really it's all real
What’s the difference between being alive and truly living?
honing into the details of life and loving with your whole heart everything you love, makes life real
What’s something you would do every day if you could?
what i do
At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive?
yesterday i felt passion. searching for things to make a throne out of
Which is worse, failing or never trying?
NEVER TRYING
What makes you feel incomplete?
never trying
When did you experience a major turning point in your life?
not too long ago
What or who do you wish you lived closer to?

If you had the opportunity to get a message across to a large group of people, what would your message be?
EVERYTHING ISN'T FUCKED. but it could be soon
What’s something you know you can count on?
rebirth of ideas
What makes you feel comfortable?
silence
What’s something about you that has never changed?
truth
What will be different about your life in exactly one year?
i can only begin to explore
What mistakes do you make over and over again?
being too afraid and not thinking the results are worth the risk
What do you have a hard time saying “no” to?
sleep
Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing?
both
What’s something that used to scare you, but no longer does?
new things and people
What promise to yourself do you still need to fulfill?
be not afraid. the universe is here for me
What do you appreciate most about your current situation?
how free i feel
What’s something simple that makes you smile?
the sound of windchimes
So far, what has been the primary focus of your life?
all over the place. probably my own happiness...
How do you know when it’s time to move on?
the pieces keep falling where i don't want them
What’s something you wish you could do one more time?
be with my entire family for a reunion
When you’re 90-years-old, what will matter to you the most?
i'll know then
What would you regret not fully doing, being, or having in your life?

1/3/11 11:39 pm - transcend

(i will)

11/23/10 12:15 am

i'm really sick of my excuses. those and my rationalizations that make everything i do right, to me. i make mistakes. maybe the things i do are supposed to happen, or it's fine that they do happen, but i'm not perfect
nothing is perfect (i've been thinking that it is way too much if there's such thing)
and?
that's fine

9/19/10 10:33 pm

not taking pictures lately has left me feeling ...empty. more than i'd like to feel or admit.
i forget what i was watching, because i can't even remember watching tv in the past week, but very recently i saw a commercial for a digital camera. it made me wonder what everyone having digital cameras (or cameras in general?) is doing to society. do people without cameras have more intense feelings and emotions in everyday life and situations? maybe they don't realize it, but i wonder. people who constantly take pictures must have a very different life experience than those who don't have the habit of capturing every moment.

it's so common to take pictures of every happening in people's lives, post them on facebook, show them off
EVERY single thing is/can be documented
what about people who don't take pictures of these occurrences? they can only live that moment once. they can't just take a picture, think to themselves "i'll have this memory forever!" inevitably they would enjoy the moment less. feel it less intensely. i just know, that it's happened to me many more times than once
without me even noticing i did it to myself.
the more and more times you see a picture,
the more all it becomes is a picture. you may remember the feelings attached to it, but you will feel the same feelings every time you look at the picture. it will be hard to remember other things about the event than a narrow scope of feelings you feel when you see the particular picture.

and when i say "you", i mean me
it went from trying to make art & get every aspect of the picture perfect, for art's sake
to a more psychological need...
not having a working camera has affected me
in good and bad ways, but most recently, i would say more ways are good
life has more meaning , standing alone

7/1/10 05:11 pm

"i had a period of RICH HAPPYNESS
brilliant and vibrant , visible and palpable every second of the day
accessible"

but what goes uppp must come down
or at least come to the middle

5/23/10 08:22 pm - up up & away










if you can't fly, then run/keep moving Collapse )

5/16/10 11:05 pm

i just feel like i should let anyone looking at these that the photos in this entry are about a month old bcuz IT'S NOT RIGHT NOW (for it's taking me awhile to finish postin all these) and you must know this
you must also know that stella spark was amazing and it makes me so happy when i realize new things about myself. g00dnight. g00d days.

i held on brightlyCollapse )

4/27/10 05:37 pm - my heart is happy.

ps: these are really old too.Collapse )
i have to catch up!!!

4/4/10 04:25 pm

ryan is the only reason i am updating this. bugger.
actually i miss updating. and making up captions.

so, about two months ago...
HERE YA GO
i'll continue this with more recent pictures soonCollapse )

3/3/10 03:50 am

tell me that i'm not wasting my time, and tell me what i'm doing is what i really want. tell me i really am happy. i know i am. but tell me it's right.
belonging is everything, right

it's either i'm completely self-sufficient or completely dependent. i don't see how i can live so regularly in two completely opposite ways.
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